Burdened to blog.

I’ve traditionally been reticent to start blogging because I feel a certain obligation to my subscribers and the public in general, even if there are only currently fourteen people reading my blog with any frequency. Journaling of any kind has never been a habit I’ve successfully achieved with regularity. I think there are several factors that contribute to this.

1. I dislike repetition. I remember as a kid telling with my parents I could eat pizza every meal. They told me they would go to the store and buy a month’s supply of store-brand cheese pizzas to test my resolve. I tried to explain that I didn’t mean one kind of pizza in particular, but the whole wide variety of pizza in general. They didn’t get it. The point is, I crave diversity.

2. I get distracted. Not ADD/ADHD distracted, but I tend to have a number of irons in the fire, and often, the “now” of current events supersedes the “then” of the recently passed. If I don’t blog about something while it’s fresh, the passion to blog about it wanes significantly.

3. I wonder if it matters. As much as I want to say I write for myself, I still suffer the weakness of craving attention like others. I know I’m intelligent enough to express myself with significance, but I’m not arrogant enough to think my expressions are automatically fit for public consumption and should be required reading.

4. I fear irrelevance. If I don’t keep the blog fresh, will I become obsolete? Will I and others lose interest? Will it be just another in a long string of unfinished projects, and is it already doomed to be such by virtue of it being a neverending process?

This all became particularly poignant to me in the last week or so, when over ten days passed between posts. As long as I haven’t decided what this blog will be, I keep entertaining thoughts on what it could be. However, until it can be something else, I need to just let it be what it is and relax. Enjoy!

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